I have gone back and forth about whether to post about this or not, but decided that it is a big part of our lives and that we are not alone in facing this, so here's our story...
We found out at the beginning of the new year that we were pregnant with our third. We were shocked, since we didn't easily get pregnant with the other two and we had planned to wait another 6 months or so before getting pregnant again, but we were still thrilled! I was put on progestrone with my other two pregnancies, but decided that this time around we would go without since a test at the OB showed my progestrone levels were normal. At the end of Hailey's first birthday party we let her announce (though a t-shirt) that she was going to be a big sister. I waited until the end of the party because "just in case" something did go wrong with this pregnancy the party wouldn't be marked with saddness.
I finally had my first appointment at 9 weeks 2 days (with the other two I had an appointment at 7 weeks, so this was a long wait!). Everything looked great until she turned on the ultra sound machine. She started measuring right away and I searched for a heartbeat. After maybe 10 seconds, I asked her, have you seen a heartbeat yet? She said, "no, why? do you have a reason to worry?" and I told her that I didn't but I always worry at this point. Well, she looked, and after a few seconds said, "I'm not seeing a hearbeat". Even though it was something I knew was always a possibility, I was still shocked, as was Cole. She did an internal ultrasound to make sure and saw the same thing. We were broken hearted, of course. But the Dr. was AMAZING and so was the ultrasound tech. We have been blessed through all of this in so many ways. God truly is the Great Comforter! His comfort began right there in that room with those two women! They comforted us with all of the love and patience that any stranger could.
We went that afternoon to have a D & C done. Another blessing... one of Cole's best friends, who is an OB, was working at the hospital that day and was able to come and sit with Cole while I was back having the procedure done. His professional opinion and friendship was exactly what we needed at that point. I haven't had any pain physically and have been able to go on without any major issues. We also live near family, so we've all been in good hands. We have had a peace through most of this. The hardest part was seeing that little body on the screen. It was formed perfectly and was measuring 9 weeks, 1 day. So the heart had probably stopped beating right before our appointment- maybe days, maybe just a few hours. It was hard to accept that the heartbeat wasn't just being overlooked since everything else was exactly as it should have been. But coming home to two smiling little faces made me so much more aware of how blessed we are! God is so good!!! I realized that I could be facing the same thing without having two healthy girls at home, and I know so many do.
I've gone through feeling some guilt over not just taking the progestrone anyways and guilt over the little things like that deli sandwich I ate or not being thankful enough for this surprise pregnancy, but I know that none of those things had the power to take this little life. There is so much comfort in knowing who's hands it is all in!
So now we wait and see what God's plans are. We would love a third, but are so extremely blessed to be given the gift of parenting Savannah and Hailey! At the end of the day, we stand so undeservingly blessed!!! Our cup runneth over! Praise God for His goodness!!!
